Traditional mom undermines son's future as a stay-at-home dad, buys a baby carrier that only fits his wife for their baby shower: “It felt very dismissive of my role”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 20, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Gone are the days in which men were expected to make enough money to support the entire family by themsevles and where women were expected to stay at home and tend to the kids and the house. That lifestyle isn't completely off the table, and there are plenty of happy couples that prefer this dynamic. We're all more open minded now, though, and there are more socially acceptable options for how to live your life now than ever before. 

In our story today, a couple of soon-to-be parents intend to both give the stay-at-home life a fair shot before deciding who will be the ultimate breadwinner or primary parent. Our protagonist's traditional mother cannot even begin to wrap her head around this concept and instead throws snide remarks at her son and his wife for months. The tension between mother and son comes to a head when she only buys his wife a baby carrier instead of getting two like they had requested on their baby shower checklist. 

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  • 01

    AITA for accusing my mom of undermining my role as a dad to my unborn child after a baby shower gift?

    Cheezburger Image 10507412480
    via gchutka

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (25m) had a fight with my mom a couple of weeks ago and our relationship has been strained ever since. She feels like I came at her out of nowhere and overreacted to a gift at our baby shower. But I had corrected her prior to the baby shower and she didn't take it in.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 03
    My issue with mom started months ago when my wife and I told her we'd both take time off after our child comes. And we'd both do trial periods of being a SAH parent to see which one it worked better for.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10507414016
    via SDI Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    My wife will take the first month off as she'll be recovering and I'll take the second month off. Luckily we both work for companies where we can do this. My mom acted like it was the craziest thing in the world. She asked me what I'd even do with a month off and I told her I'd look after my child. She commented that I'd be waiting for my wife to get
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 06
    home mostly or finding childcare while I looked for something to do. She could not get her head around the fact I would be doing what a typical stay at home mom does. Then when she did get it, she made a comment a few weeks after that she honestly felt like my wife should do it and could give no reason. She told me I needed to work and provide. My wife said she could do that.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 07
    I told mom I didn't want to be like my dad who was the kind of dad we saw occasionally because he was always working and who never invested in being involved in our lives. He was a more typical provider who did nothing else.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 08
    Mom made another comment when my wife and I were discussing baby essentials and nursery themes. She told me those things are for the mom to decide. My wife pointed out the baby is mine too and mom
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 09
    said how the mother spends the most time with the baby. Which also told me right away that she didn't expect me to be be able to be the stay at home parent or she didn't think I could want to or enjoy it even. It felt very dismissive of my role. And I told her she could do with being more supportive of me as a new dad.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 10
    Then the baby shower came and this is where I felt it the worst. We had a registry and on the registry we had a baby carrier set that came with two carriers that were different sizes. This was perfect for us because there's a height and build difference
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 11
    between my wife and myself and the smaller one was not suited for someone of my size and build. And the other didn't work super great for my wife. The one we chose was the only option that'd work for us both from the store we used.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646

  • Does this lady not want acess to her grandchildren? Because this is exactly how you end up on the No Contact  list and never meeting your grandkids. 

  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10507413504
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    My mom saw this and instead of buying from the registry she decided she would just get the smaller one on it's own. When my wife was opening the gifts at the shower mom told my wife she felt the two pack was pointless and all she would need is one. My wife said it was for both of us and mom told her she was the only one who'd need it.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 14
    At this point I was more upset and I confronted my mom about her attitude toward me as a dad after the shower. I asked her why she kept undermining me as a new dad. I told her she was making it seem like I didn't matter at all in the equation and I told her she
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 15
    of all people should support me. I said I didn't want to be like dad who has no relationship with any of his kids. I told her I want to be there. To spend time with my kids, show them love and take them places and change dirty diapers and feed them when they're
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 16
    hungry. I told her I could very well be the stay at home dad and a carrier I can wear so I can carry the baby easily and safely was important. And that was why we picked out what we had on our registry. I told her she dismissed me again by only getting the size that works for my wife.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 17
    க
    via halfpoint

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    My mom told me to calm down and stop being such a drama queen. She said I was acting like she had committed some great crime when all she was doing was being practical and realistic. She accused me of coming at her with this from nowhere and when I mentioned past conversations she told me she didn't remember or they didn't count. She said I should have far more respect for her than I was showing.
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 19
    It left me feeling so frustrated and we only spoke one since and she was cold and standoffish with me. So I know she expects an apology. AITA though?
    via u/Fun_Leg_3646
  • 20
    Cardabella NTA. But it's not about you. She is projecting. The fathershe chose for her children didn't lift a finger and left her to do everything. She internalised this as necessary and natural order of things and defined
    via u/Cardabella

  • This is definitely deeper than her simply dismissing her son. Because of her lived experience, she literally cannot wrap her head around the concept of a father who is invested in his kids' lives – much less a fully stay-at-home dad!

  • 21
    her own value and self regard and value as a woman as her unique ability to be the baby raiser. If it turns out she could have stayed at work and she didn't have to do every nappy, every feed, every bath after all then she is perceiving it as criticism of her own sacrifice and life choices. It's devastating she can't be proud of the 21st century son she raised but it's not about you.
    via u/Cardabella
  • 22
    I hope she will come round and feel her heart whole when she sees you wearing your baby. But it may be too much for her.
    via u/Cardabella
  • 23
    Tall_Confection_960 Exactly. But I feel like she took it too far by giving you that baby carrier in front of everyone at the shower. That was definitely passive aggressive, she's making sure everyone knows her views, not just you and your wife. She's going to have to see it to believe it. The question is, will you let her after she's treated you and your wife this way. The reality is, this isn't about you. It's about her and your dad.
    via u/Tall_Confection_960
  • 24
    LettusLeafus NTA Even if she doesn't believe you will take the role of SAH Dad, does she really also believe that you'll never need or want to be able to carry your baby safely?
    via u/LettusLeafus
  • 25
    I was a SAH mum and my husband still regularly carried the kids. I've even got a great picture of him power washing the drive with our then 1 year old on his back.
    via u/LettusLeafus
  • 26
    Alternative-Ad-2312 NTA, imagine what she'd do if you love somewhere it was common for both parents to take 6 months+ leave each? She'd have a meltdown, yet outside the US it's becoming fairly common.
    via u/Alternative-Ad-2312
  • 27
    shelltrice Most definitely NTA - and I think grandma needs a time out. I would not invite her to the hospital and have a waiting period after you get home.
    via u/shelltrice
  • 28
    Mom - even after my explaining to you our parenting plans, you continue to dismiss us, and specifically me. Until you can support us as a family and me as a father, I think it best that we have some time apart. You are going to be a great dad - congratulations.
    via u/shelltrice

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family drama baby married with children fatherhood motherhood married life relationships parenting couples dad mother in law new mom family mom parents
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